Does it really have to be 'that' week?
So we all have rough weeks. Or maybe rough seasons. I try to be personal but also optimistic. Positivity and gratitude are lost habits for many. I cling to them because remembering what I’m grateful for also reminds me of the good that’s in my life.
This week has had many highlights. I ran a solid tempo today 7 miles at a 6:11 pace. I’m getting pumped for my race. I got to run with some sweet friends Wednesday. Got to run with a running buddy for the first time in forever on Thursday! That was awesome. I’ve gotten quality snuggles with Lola. And got to eat a killer burger on Monday. That’s a lot of great stuff, you know?
But not gonna lie. This week has been rough. It’s my first time to ever run 100 miles in a week! Whoop, crushing it. But it’s a lot. Lost a client. Literally tired me 4 days…that’s all. Had just some tough mental days, one workout I just couldn’t do, and to top it all off, today while I was kicking ass in the gym during 11am-1:30pm someone stole my scooter. Bah.
Hear me out. I’m really bummed about my scooter. It’s seriously like my favorite thing I’ve owned. I was so proud of it. But you know. I’m not super materialistic, but I really loved that thing. It was so fun and so much better than a car for mental purposes. When I got out and saw that it was gone, I was so freaking pissed. Why? Because this week and honestly the last several months haha or years, have been some of the most mentally challenging times. It’s like I know Satan is trying to get in my head a tear me down. And I AM MAD about it. Like really really MAD! My mind is my most fragile and strongest asset. It’s the key to making my running career a success. It’s been what’s dragged me down in life and been what’s helped me see the other side. It’s pushed me through races and dragged me to the ER. It’s so vital to what I do. I’m telling you, there’s no just hit “cruise” on the brain when you’re trying to run a marathon under 6:15/mile pace. There’s no “just not going out and doing your run because you don’t feel like it.” There’s no…”man I just want to skip a meal because I’m sad.” It takes so much of my mind to be strong to keep me going.
And you know what? Satan knows it.
He knows I’m getting stronger. He knows my weaknesses. He knows I really don’t love this city. So he’s doing everything in his power to bring me down. Everything to make me want to quit.
So yeah. Today I came home and cried. Cried harder than I had in a long time. Not because I just lost a scooter, but because I’m so sick of Satan trying to break me. Because I hate all the hurt in this world. I hate selfishness, even when I bear it. I hate that things are broken. I hate that society is dividing itself apart. I hate that LOVE is not the first thing to come to mind. I hate when people don’t see other people. I hate it. I HATE SATAN! With a burning fire inside of me. I want to punch him so hard in the face…and not feel it in my hand. ;) Ah it is so infuriating.
I want this beautiful world. I want peace and content and love to be at the center of our hearts. I want God’s love to radiate so deeply. I don’t want to be angry. I want joy.
When someone tries to steal that joy from you, doesn’t it make you angry?
Yup, no gentle way to put it. I am so ticked at the person who stole my scooter…in broad daylight. I’m mad that no one stopped him. But I’m mad, so mad at Satan for tearing this world apart.
But I also know, God has already won the fight. I’m not alone. I’ve felt alone a lot recently, but I’m not. If I’m being honest, there is a lot of me that hates this city. It’s just been so painful of a journey here. So much rejection and just crappy circumstances. However, those don’t define me. I’m reminded in these circumstances that they are all the more reason to fight for what’s good. To fight for love. I’m mentally tired. This week has been tough physically and mentally. But I’m going to use these irritating and crappy situations to fuel the flames. I’m not backing down. These circumstances can make us stronger.
I do humbly ask for prayer. I’m not invincible, but I do have hope in a God who is much bigger than all these problems. But we all have our weaknesses. I ask for prayer that I lean in to Him and not myself. My human nature wants to give up. But the Holy Spirit is giving me to strength to move forward.
All of that being said, if you do own a punching bag, I would gladly borrow it for a few minutes. I definitely ain’t perfect. And totally believe in healthy outlets. :)